Furnished by Pretty Boy

TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got
here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work
related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution
to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping
at your desk...

1. "...in Jesus' Name. Amen."

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A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls
a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house,
and she points out the colours she wants.
She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral
beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his
pad of paper and writes on it.
Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander
into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a
light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor
nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes
to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!
The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.
They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom,
I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods,
pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he
goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time
I tell you a colour, you write it down, but then you yell out
the window 'Green side up.'What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes
laying turf across the street."

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There is a new virus going around, called "WORK".

If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email,
internet or simply handed to you by a colleague
..... DO NOT OPEN IT.

Work has been circulating around our building for months and
those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at
"work" have found that their social life is deleted and their
brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter "work"
via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge
the virus, send an email to your boss with the words: "Sorry,
... I'm off to the pub". The "work" should automatically
be deleted from your brain. If you receive "work" in a
paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the
"work" to your bin. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar
with two friends and order three pints of beer. After repeating
this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer
be of any relevance to you. Send this message to everyone in your
address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book,
then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted you.