It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the
most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.He started to walk
faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way
and I'll go this way. He can't follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has
happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us
both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing. I started to run as fast as I could
and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than a
man with his pants down.......
(And those of you who thought it would be dirty,
say 3 Hail Mary's and get back to work!!
By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest,
and the snake was >slithering through the forest,
when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.
This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In
fact,since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake.
"Actually, my story is much the same >as >yours.
I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother.
Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out
what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny,and said,
"Well, you're covered with soft fur;
you have really long ears;
your nose twitches; and you
have a soft cottony tail.
I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh,thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over
with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked,
"Well, you're smooth and slippery,
and you have a forked tongue,
no backbone and no balls.
I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management"
After much humming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the
president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then
asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and
dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so
he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around.
"Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said,
"Well,for example, I'll bet you $25,000
that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that
kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money
involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long
time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side,
again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there
was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with
her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the
president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are
square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop
his pants so they could all see. The president did.
The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could
feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money,
so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against
the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter
with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00AM today, I'd
have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand.
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady idignantly. "In this country
we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Old Age (Well We'll All Be There One Day)
both Sides of the Sexual Divide
where are all these lessons coming from
Babygreen and some Other Old Friends
Don't blame me shoot the bloody Duck