Well, here's today's lesson: Think before you speak! This actually
happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class,
the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.
A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're
saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?" "That's correct,"
responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand
again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence,
the class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she
realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),
she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.
However, as she was going out the door, the Prof's reply was classic.
Totally straight-faced he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet because
the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your
throat."
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I
heard,deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke
on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it
through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex
right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school
girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my
Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in
the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're
good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow
jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
"kiss it good morning."
A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will
find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything
to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you
need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get
the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee
it'll be "sound asleep."
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your face, now will you?
week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food
and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in
Cincinnati.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread
maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to
sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the
lake."
My wife is on a new diet; coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost
weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"...I
said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man
and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man
has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? Cause they want to.
drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it
might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised,
but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow
going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could
talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I
tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or
something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply
and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant
because you know he didn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave
me.... So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the
television.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about ten
minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed
really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just
cried myself to sleep.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing
someone else.
Old Age (Well We'll All Be There One Day)
where are all these lessons coming from
Babygreen and some Other Old Friends
Don't blame me shoot the bloody Duck