Subject: Mr. Smith

Old man Mr. Smith resided in a nursing home.
One day he informed the nurse that his penis had
died. The nurse realizing that Mr. Smith was old and
forgetful decided to play along with him. "It did?
I am sorry to hear that.", the nurse replied.
Two days later Mr. Smith was walking down the halls
of the nursing home with his penis hanging outside
of his pants. The nurse saw him and said, " Mr. Smith,
I thought you told me that your penis had died."
Mr. Smith said, "It did. Today's the viewing."
===============================================================

The Migraine

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of
migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical,
he discovers that his poor patient has had
practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and
STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too
and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really
anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that
I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a
migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak
for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the
hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This
helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the
bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself
to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is
immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see
me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big
grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS!
I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time
anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a
REALLY nice house."

============================================

A little old lady, well into her eighties,

slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously

very unstable on her feet,

she shakily hobbles the few feet across the

store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support,

she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:

"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk

one,

tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo

inchesss

thththiiickkk?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do". "Ccccccannnn

yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee

hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe

ffffuucccckkkkinggg

ttthingggg

offffff?"

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