Three Corporate Lessons

by Frazer


Lesson Number One


A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.


Lesson Number Two


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and
found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of
the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Number Three


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him! The morals of this story are:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.


An organisation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different
limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and
some simply just idling... The monkeys on top look down and see a tree
full of smiling faces...The monkeys on the bottom look up and see
nothing but assholes...

David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little
boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door was
playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be
a tragedy.

No, Beckham says, That would be an ACCIDENT.

A girl raises her hand. If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff,
killing everyone involved..... that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not,
explains Beckham. That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.

The room is
silent, none of the children volunteer.

What? asks Beckham, Isn't there any one here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says If an airplane carrying David Beckham
was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy. Wonderful,
Beckham beams. Marvellous, and can you tell me WHY that would be
a tragedy?

Well says the boy because it wouldn't be an accident
and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss


Q: What would you get if United were relegated?
A: 50,000 more Liverpool fans

Prize winning letter from a true football fan :
"I've been supporting ManUnited for a couple of years now and I'm
sick of people taking the piss out of us. In the past ten years
I've supported Blackburn, Leeds, Arsenal and Liverpool, and
I never had any stick when I supported them."


-------------------------------------------------------------------


We Belong to Glasgow and like all glaswegians have a varied appreciation for humour this site will be dedicated to all things funny any suggestions or donations of humourous material will be welcome

submissions@puredeadgallus

Please remember there will be no censorship on Puredeadgallus we may not think it funny but you may and therefore it stays so TOUGH