Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavour,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called
a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called
rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes?
Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they
are
all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
the terminal?
In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed
through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
sleeping.
( and that's the only time
I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a
winner! No purchase necessary.
Details
inside.(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions:
Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread
Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication."
(We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May
cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now,somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning:
contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
Old Age (Well We'll All Be There One Day)
both Sides of the Sexual Divide
where are all these lessons coming from
Babygreen and some Other Old Friends
Don't blame me shoot the bloody Duck