Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that
they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try
didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives
them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure
brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing
round. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them
up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging
the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to
look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if
the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says,
"they're all in the Land Rover and one of them is beeping the horn."
Look out for these viruses, very nasty...
This is where your PC thinks it's far superior
than any other PC and develops a memory disorder,
forgetting anything that happened before 1993.
The David Beckam Virus ...
This affects newer PC's mainly. The computer
looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.
The Roy Keane Virus ...
This one is particularly nasty and will throw you
out of Windows ...
The Alex Ferguson Virus ...
The computer develops a continuous whining
noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster
or slower (depending on how your days been),
than all the other computers in the building.
The Fabien Barthez Virus ....
This one's not particularly harmful
you just can't save anything.
The Neville Bros. Virus .....
Just when you think things can't get any worse
this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.
The Ryan Giggs Virus ...
The computer develops a processor problem,
whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is.
It also experiences dramatic fluctuation in performance.
The Luke Chadwick Virus ...
This is a particularly ugly one.
The Manchester United Shirt Virus...
This one is especially hard to detect
as it changes it's format every 3 months
The curator of the gallery realised that they were
having trouble interpreting the painting and offered
his assessment. He went on for nearly
half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual
emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately
white, patriarchal society. "In fact,"
he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that
the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological
oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a Scottish man approached
the couple and said,
"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert
than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied.
"In fact, there's no African-Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Scottish coal-miners.
The only difference is that the guy in the middle
went home for lunch."
Old Age (Well We'll All Be There One Day)
both Sides of the Sexual Divide
where are all these lessons coming from
Babygreen and some Other Old Friends
Don't blame me shoot the bloody Duck