Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said,
"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here
as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct
you to do so".
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years
before the Priest said to her,
"Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years.
You can speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to> hear that," the Priest said,
"We will get you a better bed."> After another 5 years,
Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine,
and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the
future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again
called Sister Mary Katherine into his office.
"You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best", said the Priest,
"You've done fuck all but moan since you got here.
---------------------------------------------------
Skippy
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for Christmas
dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she
is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine
meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas
pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no
other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets
out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard
the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's
father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under
the woman's chair,
and said in a rather stern voice,"Skippy!".
The woman thought,
"This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
longer rrrriiip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she
didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train
whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits all overyou!"
-----------------------------------------------------------
Vanity
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her
bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully
says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty-four."
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow
to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what
happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror,
on the door, make my penis touch the floor!"
Again, there's a bright flash... and his legs fall off!
-----------------------------------------------------
Can't do without it
A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........
They manage to swim to a small island.......and they lived there for a
couple of years..... doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing....... She felt having
sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself...
It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
after a while....nature once more took its inevitable course.....
Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they where doing.....................
So................
They buried her.
